THoughts and musings
If I asked you to tell me more about your 'purpose' what would you say? What comes to mind when you think of 'purpose'?
For many of us, purpose can feel very tied to the things we do. Our identities of who we are in our daily lives. Our families, companies, job titles and so forth, but purpose goes much deeper than that. Our emotions, can also be clues to living with a sense of purpose.
At 6 Seconds, the KCG Model stands for 'Know', 'Choose' and 'Give' and it relates to being more 'Aware', 'Intentional' and 'Purposeful'. Joshua Freedman, the CEO of 6 Seconds, explains in many of his books and videos (he was one of the creators of the model) that all three exist and turn in a circle, going round and round and round. He mentions that you can begin anywhere in the model, but that often the 'Give Yourself' part of the model is where it all links to. In the 'Give Yourself' part of the model there are two competencies, 'Increase Empathy' and 'Purse Nobel Goals'.
This week on LinkedIn, I published a video about my Noble Goal which is 'to provide a space where people can become better versions of themselves.' For me to achieve this, I need to think about others and how to best serve them, to go deeper within myself to understand and work with my emotions and to increase my empathy, which is to walk in the shoes of another. I need to be aware and mirror where people might be at and coach them (by guiding from the side) to let them make discoveries that will lead them towards choosing to be better or alter their current situation in some way.
Notice that it doesn't include anything specific. No job titles or defined relationships. My purpose is driven from a deeper desire to help someone, be it my family members or clients. This Noble Goal reminds me to live 'with purpose' and to make it a daily activity. This Noble Goal reminds me to take a deep breath and center myself. I am not always perfect here but certainly I can tap into something deeper. I transfer this Goal into being more aware of the my emotions and then choosing a course of action that serves this goal, my clients and colleagues and myself.
So what is your Noble Goal? Consider joining Unlocking EQ webinar with 6 Seconds to learn more about the concepts, the KCG Model and how you can tap into your emotions for answers to such questions as 'why am I am' and 'how can I live with purpose'.
At the moment, if I asked you think about about the word climate, what other words come to mind?
Most probably, Climate Change, a very real idea we need to think about for our planet. What about your own climate change? What if I said to you, the emotional climate of your group, organisation, family and even yourself, is just as important as the more popular climate change?
I am finishing the book 'In the Heart of Leadership' and the last chapter is about organisational excellence, leadership and 'the Climate of Performance'.
Joshua Freedman, the books author, talks about organisational culture as the set of rules that tell people how they are supposed to behave. Climate, is a term he uses, for how people feel about it.
What is the climate of your workplace like? What is your own emotional temperature and how does it effect this climate? Is there something you can do to change the climate you are in? Do you feel the climate is gloomy, moody and low or is the climate full of joy, enthusiasm and creativity?
When I ponder the ideas above in my own life, I think about the climate in my workplaces, my church and even my larger family. Each has it's own climate, partly governed by culture as well as long established norms and ideals, even values. When these values, norms and standard behaviours are broken, so the climate can be effected. COVID-19 is also effecting all of these climates, some differently than others.
Freedman talks about the need to think about emotional intelligence (EQ) (being smarter with feelings) at three levels to understand climate. The individual, the relational and the organisational level. Ultimately, we can only control and take care of managing our own emotions, so this is why EQ is crucial at an individual level. Take family for instance, when we lack EQ, we might say or do things that really, truly deeply hurt others. Sometimes irreparably.
This damages things at the relational level which will have ripple effects throughout the entire family. Members may not speak to each other, forgiveness is sought but not accepted, people don't speak to each other for some time. Time doesn't heal the emotional wounds that are there. What would happen if we practiced EQ, learned EQ and evolved as a result of EQ? Could we find the emotional language to express ourselves better and to be aware of our emotions, to lead to better choices, to be able to serve a higher purpose. One of allowing our family to prosper?
While the book focuses on organisations, I draw conclusions to community groups like Rotary, Toastmasters, Scouts and sporting clubs as well. Some environments are toxic and the climate is not ideal. Joshua says basically 'When employees feel good about coming to work, they perform better.' This surely applies as well to community groups we belong to.
This could translate to 'when people feel good about being part of a family, they interact, share and serve each other.' 'When group members feel included as part of the group, valued and appreciated, they contribute more and take on responsibility.' They are invested.
In order to create the right organisational or group climate, it is important that the leader as well as those in the group to show trust and connect. Communication is key here to building trust and true, deep connection. This influences the relational level. And it starts with you.
Do you communicate with EQ? What does that even look like?
Thinking about the KCG Model from 6 Seconds, it talks about Know, Choose and Give yourself. When I work with people, we often explore the Know and Choose parts.
In Know, we think about awareness. Are you aware of how you speak to others? What mirrors and feedback do you get from people? If you find people hard to get on with, perhaps it begins with you?
Ask someone, 'how do I come across'? Look at how people treat you and ask yourself, what does this data tell me? What do my own emotions (also data) tell me when I speak and communicate with others?
Once you are more aware, what choices do you then have?
This is the Choose part of the model and for me this is again where you have control. As an Executive Voice Coach, I often encourage people to hug not hit with their sound, something I learned from the Heldentenor Glenn Winslade during my singing career. The same applies to speaking. If you sound like you are rough, shouty, aggressive or rude, chances are this will be affecting the emotional climate of the families, groups and organisations you are apart of. This is under your control. Speak with love and kindness, being aware that your sound and emotions are contagious, and you might get a different result.
While COVID-19 is certainly playing around with our cultural behaviours, norms and ideals it is worth reflecting on our part in this and maintaining our EQ in how we communicate with others. Speak with dignity and respect, hug not hit with your sounds and use words that resonate with others. This will positively effect the climates you are in and how you 'show up' in the world. People will relate to your better, help you and ulitmately change the climate of the group or organisation you belong to.
Consider how you speak. Reflect on your climates and bring about the climate change you want to see in the world. Both relationally and organisationally as well as to help our whole planet. Perhaps there is a connection between how we communicate and treat ourselves and others, and the world at large.
How do you show up in the world? Are you a role model for others?
Joshua Freedman, the CEO of 6 Seconds- who are pioneers in the development of EQ training and research, just did a You Tube post titled 'Are you using the right type of power for success?' in recent days and in it discussed the idea of power.
We often think about power being in the form of salary, title or social media likes, but he suggests that we can also have:
This really resonates for me as draw back to my questions at the top. How do you show up in the world? Do you worry about salary, or do you use your power of language, connection and empathy to make someone's day easier? Do you empower yourself with moments of silence and reflection on your values? This is the power we have. All the time.
I remind myself as much as I mention it here in this post, as often we forget and get caught up in the feeling of powerless. We often forget that we can influence others and at least take responsibility for our communication. Our language, words and tone. The ability to display empathy by walking in someone else's shoes for awhile. We can serve others by using our power.
I encourage your to click on the link above and hear Joshua speak about power. It has been a blessing on my weekend and inspired me to look more deeply at how I express my power this week.